Yippee Blah

My Karebear came up this weekend to get her crowns and agreed to come visit me for a couple hours. It was sooooo nice!!! I've missed her greatly and I've been really sad the last couple weeks. I wish she was able to move back here but I know she is where she belongs and she is happy there. I just wish Salt Lake wasn't so far from Rexburg. She brought her boyfriend, Ryan with her. So, I met him for the first time. What a character. But I can tell they are really happy together and I couldn't be happier for her.

As many as you know by now, Bruce and I broke up last week. I've been doing decently well. Didn't cry as much as I thought I would but have definitely missed the friendship. Things seem so forced and awkward now. I miss him so much but I know he will be happier without me and he will find somebody who can fill the void I couldn't.

Dreams and Men

I had a dream this morning that we dropped lil Matt off at the MTC (ok so he isn't very "lil" anymore). I didn't cry and it felt so real and so normal. When I woke up, I had to think for a minute whether he was still at school with me. I got up and went to the bathroom. I laid back down in bed and I almost cried. It just really dawned on me that in as little as two and a half months my only sibling will be off on a mission, serving the Lord. I'm going to miss him so much. We aren't like best friends or anything but I know that I can go to him and we can talk. He was my only sense of sanity when our parents are driving me crazy. I love him and therefore, I am very excited for him. He will make a great missionary and I know that he will grow a lot in his testimony, as a servant of the Lord and as a man.

It also made me think about Bruce. He won't be leaving for another two years (about when Matt gets home, Bruce will leave). I was really upset about this at first. I wanted him to leave and come back as soon as possible. But I think deep down, I'm grateful for the next two years. I will still have him while Matt is gone and vice versa. And we will also get more time together to see where things might go. It'll be way nice.

Update

So, I'm sure by now most of you know that I broke up with Chris last week. It was REALLY hard on me. I cried and cried and for that first day I couldn't even eat. But things just didn't feel right with Chris. There was so much confusion in my head and heart. And his non-commitment to the Church and its standards broke my heart every day. And one of the people that I was able to turn to through all of that was Bruce, my bestest guy friend ever. He is amazing and loving and spiritual as I said two posts ago. So since I have been thinking about my relationship with Chris for so long, really I have been mourning and mending my heart for like a month or two. So while the initial break-up was really hard, I was able to get right back up on that saddle rather quickly and move on. Like I said one of the people I was able to turn to and open up to was Bruce and we obviously care a lot about each other and talk a lot as well. So yesterday, it was time for my heart and my head to battle it out. My head said, Nicole don't date Bruce yet, its only been a week and you two are still thousands of miles apart. And my heart said, Nicole, what are you waiting for? He's your best friend and you care about him a lot. Just take the plunge and say yes. You two already act like a couple. Well, my heart finally won out and Bruce and I became official. That however, was the easy part. I now had to explain to my hurting ex of only one week that I was moving on and had a new boyfriend already. It obviously didn't go well but since Chris already knew we were really close, it wasn't too big of a shock.

However, I have to admit that I am super happy. I know that might sound bad but Karyn came up this last weekend to visit and she said she could tell that I was happier and that I was actually glowing. I thought she was crazy but as I think about it, she is totally right. I don't know if I glow but I'm really happy. Happier than I have been in a long time or maybe even ever. I'm finally, finally doing what the Lord wants me to. The only reason I was able to get through that break-up with Chris not only emotionally but also so quickly was that the night before I prayed to my Heavenly Father and I laid it all out there. And when I finished that prayer, not only did I know this was the right decision but I also felt peace. That feeling of peace is the only thing that got me through not taking him back no matter what he said or did.

I have also always wanted to help people and for this reason Business Management just wasn't cutting it for me anymore. I did a lot of pondering and finally decided to go into Social Work. I wasn't so sure about it but a couple weeks later I felt that same peace from the Lord that this was the right decision and that I was going to be good at it. And now that I'm back and school and taking Social Work classes and trying to get my prerequisites done, I am LOVING it. Today, I had Family Interactions and Human Biology and I left both of them just feeling this overwhelming joy. Social Work and these other related topics are really interesting and actually apply to life. I'm learning a lot and I'm already turning into a Social Worker mentally. We were watching a movie the other night and I started analyzing this family. I made me laugh but deep down it felt great. I really feel like I belong in this major and in this career. Yes it has added two and a half more years of schooling than I had planned but really being able to help people will be totally worth all the extra time studying.

I just really love my life right now and I love my friends and my family. It's just amazingly wonderful how well my life is turning out.

School

I've been back out West for a few days now. I've been helping Matt move into his new apartment and get adjusted to college, which surprisingly he hasn't needed much help with yet. So mostly I've just sitting around in between keeping Mom and Dad entertained. It has been pretty boring besides hanging out with my new roommates and talking to Bruce on my new webcam. I'm super excited for Thursday and for classes to start again. I'm a little nervous knowing that I'm starting over in a new major but way excited to be learning the skills I need in order to help other people. I really feel like I'm finding my purpose in life and that is making me extremely excited. I have decided to go on and get my masters and then go work for LDS Family Services. I want to help people and I really feel like that is where the Lord needs me. I might be able to help more children if I was out working on child abuse but I'm not sure my heart could handle that. So, instead I'm going to work with parents and birth mothers in adoptions and work with other people through counseling and other things. I'm extremely excited and I'm even more excited to be making a difference in ways that I never could have if I remained in Business Management. Bruce says that I've grown up in making these decisions but I think it's just been me being more open to the Spirit and pondering what the Lord wants and needs and what I want and need from me in this life.

Bruce

So, I have a good friend named Bruce. He is pretty awesome. Six months ago, he was baptized. I went to his baptism and I barely even knew him. I was told that his family wasn't very supportive of his decision to get baptized and I guess I felt the Spirit because I felt like I should become better friends with him. He is now one of my best friends and I am super grateful for him and his wonderful influence and love in my life. He does everything in his power to help me, whether is getting me a webcam to help me read my scriptures daily or giving me a text hug while I'm crying or just listening to me while I whine about my life.

He is planning on going on a mission next year and I'm super proud of him. He has grown so much in his testimony and has changed a lot even in the short time that we've been friends. I am so amazed at how well he knows the scriptures and how spiritual he is. Sometimes, I just sit back in awe at how much he knows and the things he does. I know it hasn't been easy for him going against what his family feels is best for him, but he has stayed strong and really impressed me. I know that he is still afraid to tell his mom just how committed he is to this gospel including his decision to give two wonderful years to the Lord.

I just am really grateful for Bruce and I hope he knows just how proud I am of him and how much I love him.

Not a Little Girl Anymore..

So, I am slowly coming to realize that at the ripe old age of twenty, I'm not a child anymore. In the last month, I have been asked twice if I have a child and once if I was married. And about two months ago, my computer professor assumed I was married. I'm not little Nicole anymore and everybody knows it (even complete strangers on the plane home hahaha). Anyways, that was my random thought for the day.

Lots of Changes but ALL Good

So, a lot has happened in the last week. I have been thinking for a while now that I'm not passionate about Business anymore and it really isn't what I want to do anymore. So, I was struggling with what I wanted to do with my life and whether I wanted to move home. I have finally decided to stay at BYU-Idaho because I love the atmosphere here and it is a lot cheaper than going to school in Wisconsin. I also had to start from scratch trying to decide what my major should be. I finally settled on Social Work, however, at BYU-Idaho you can't just switch your major to Social Work. You have to be accepted into the program. So I switched my major to Sociology so that I can take the pre-requisites next semester and then hopefully, be accepted into the Social Work program next Spring Semester. This new switch results in me graduating one semsester later than I was planning on if I finished Business. But I lucked out because I have been mostly taking on general education credits the last two years with a few Business classes here and there (which has given me a little business background), a lot of them will transfer to the new major. So, I just have one G.E. (I took Bio 100 and I will need Anat and Phys for Social Work) and then just the regular pre-requisites for Social Work. So, yea that's the plan.

Oh and I have made a new blog for Chris and I once we start our life and family together. The address is http://schwuchowfamily.blogspot.com, I invite you to check it out but there won't be many posts for a little while. I will still have this blog for personal thoughts and everything and the other one will be our adventures together and about our children (which won't happen for a while yet). But I think that is everything I wanted to share today. I move home on Saturday after a brief visit with Karyn on Friday-Saturday. I'm super excited to see everybody back home and see Amanda and her family when they come out.